In light of the finale of this season's 24, here is a collection of top 100 facts about Jack Bauer from TwentyFour.tv1) There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's
right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.
2) On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire
world as his dependents.
3) Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the
opposite direction.
4) The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack
Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept
dying when they tried to cross the street.
No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
5) When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack
Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
6) There are three leading causes of death among terrorists.
The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing
Jack Bauer is coming for them.
7) When bad things happen to good people, its probably
fate. When bad things happen to bad
people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
8) Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as
half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.
9) Most people would need months to recover from 20 months
of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of
clothes.
10) Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock
knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and
where the goddamned bomb was.
11) Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and
handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have
them right where I want them."
12) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and
Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
13) Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now
classified as a suicide attempt.
14) Jack Bauer definitely loves his daughter; he wouldn't
let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live.
15) When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in
his chest and used them to reload.
16) If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's
instructions, it would be called "12".
17) Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous
position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.
18) Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the
ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him
through.
19) Chained to a chair, tortured, and with the threat of
death hanging over him, Jack just wanted something to eat.
20) Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd,
no one fools Jack Bauer.
21) Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent
is a ***. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about
schematics.
22) There have been no terrorist attacks in United States
since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
23) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing
himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
24) The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer,
two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.
25) Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland,
Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack
Bauer gets played by no man.
26) Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the
bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
27) Jack Bauer signs his autograph with bullets. So don't ask him to sign any part of your
body.
28) After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered
Species List.
29) If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret
service.
30) If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels
like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's beef.
31) Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
32) Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
33) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds
like a fair fight.
34) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
35) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it
and put it back.
36) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer
spared your life.
37) Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which
fruit he wants.
38) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill
terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
39) There's one only shift when Jack Bauer works for CTU:
the graveyard shift.
40) The only reason Jack gave Nina mouth to mouth in Season
2 was because he had to kill her himself.
41) Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear
bomb went off.
42) The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by
changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
43) My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I
was Jack Bauer.
44) ...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll
take it from here."
45) MTV once tried to 'Punk' Kiefer Sutherland by staging a
robery in a store. Sutherland smiled
and pulled out his SIG and shot 3 actors in the head. This is why there was a new cast on Punk'd after season one.
46) When Jack Bauer says, "I don't know if I can do
this anymore", the statement must be loosely translated as, "I can
still rip off your head, I just don't know if I feel like I can breath down
your neck at this time."
47) Jack Bauer thinks the word mercy just means "quick
interrogation."
48) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are
conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
49) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and won.
50) If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat
you with it.
51) A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people
were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
52) Jack Bauer doesn't laugh in the face of danger; Jack
Bauer is the face of danger.
53) It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was
Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
54) Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web
browser. All events take place in real time.
55) The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to
the other side.
56) Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage
compartment.
57) Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a
Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked
Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
58) On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down
"Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his
problems with Violence.
59) Jack Bauer let himself be drugged, beaten and captured
inside a crate on a Chinese ship heading out of the USA with no way for help to
find him. Now he has them right where we wants them.
60) If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately
and run.
61) Jack Bauer can pronounce the name "Ahmed"
however he wants.
62) The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that
he could bring down the population.
63) In order to control illegal immigration in the United
States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the
US/Mexico border.
64) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
65) Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law:
"Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
66) Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital,
underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack
Bauer still can't believe that *** went to the hospital first.
67) Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle
Eastern men.
68) Bauer is not word, it is a sentence...A death sentence.
69) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was
addicted to Jack Bauer.
70) RIP Edgar
If you see this give it a 10.
Just cuz it's what Edgar would have wanted. :(
71) When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack
replies, "Previously, on 24..."
72) Jack Bauer doesn't need a receipt to return something to
a store, just a gun.
73) Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex law suit
with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack
Bauer as an "Assault Weapon".
Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and
is quite safe to have around families.
But statistics don't lie.
74) Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer
laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
75) Jack Bauer has the heart of a terrorist. He keeps it in
a jar on his desk.
76) On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down
"Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his
problems with Violence.
77) When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun
was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.
78) When Santa Claus asked Jack Bauer what he wanted for
Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Jack Bauer and gets away
with it.
79) If you try to make Jack Bauer sacrifice himself for
nothing, he will eat you.
80) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer
would meanwhile do something important.
81) "You don't know Jack" is a blessing among
terrorists.
82) There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack
Bauer way. It's basically the right way
but faster and more deaths.
83) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes
him angry.
84) In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved
the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
85) When Jack says "I won't take no for an answer"
you better not say no.
86) When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal
detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
87) When faced with multiple nuclear threats to the country
The President Of The United States said, and I quote, "Get me Jack
Bauer." He didn't say, "Get me the guy who sells the Total Gym."
88) Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll
explain in the car.
89) Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
90) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's
because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
91) Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he
can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
92) Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop. Think about that.
93) Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations
were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
94) The Supreme Court ruled unanimously that Jack Bauer's
methods were "cruel and unusual punishment". The next day the Supreme
Court had nine vacancies.
95) Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled:
"Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
96) When Jack Bauer used Herbal Essences, the shampoo had an
orgasm.
97) When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are
translated except for Jack's. The
reason for this, nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.
98) "Jack Bauer Camp" makes "Guantanamo
Bay" sound like a weekend retreat in the Hamptons.
99) Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop
Jack Bauer.
100) Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to
self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it,
he's Jack Bauer.
Got a fact about Jack? Submit it here.
