Be sure to watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic live this Monday, April 21st @ 8:15a.m. on Fox 6 News In The Morning.
Background:
Any invested father realizes the same phenomenon. Once their children
turn around four years of age,they become their child's favorite "toy"
and seem to never get enough of them until they turn around ten years
of age. Just last week, my three kids decided to bypass the high
spirited children's program on a Princess Cruise altogether for me to
be their 24/7 entertainer, playmate, coach, and teacher. They
explained to me that I was "more fun" than any program and that all
they wanted to do for seven days was hang out with me. So after about
30 games of shuffleboard, 25 games of ping pong, 7 or 8 visits to the
arcade, hours of swimming everyday, various board and electronic games,
story telling and reading, and much more, the cruise was over and
school and work resumed. My kids expressed that it was one of the best
trips ever. During the trip, I also spoke with other "toy dads" and
found similar experiences from them as well. Together we concluded
that it was a wonderful, yet at times, tiring experience, but all
concluded that the observed benefits in our kids were numerous. Such
common observations were: less acting out; a greater interest in
learning various activities; greater self-confidence; and an increased
sense of independence. One father I spoke with who had been retired
for the past two years told me that the hardest part of him retuning to
do some consulting work was the effect it was going to have on his sons
who have bathed in his attention and are saddened by the change.
Such real-life experiences support the research on the
multi-benefits when fathers play with their children. Due the
differences in the way fathers play with their kids, as compared to
mothers, namely dads tend to be more physical and utilize friendly
competition, such influences correlate with greater self-esteem, easier
experiences with separation from mother, greater assertiveness, and a
heightened desire to learn new tasks.
In contrast, before the age of 3 or 4, most children prefer
playing and bonding with their mothers due to the fact that they have
been the primary object in the life of the infant and toddler. But as
the young child becomes more comfortable with him or herself, they
desire more independence and are able to break away from their mothers.
It is at this time when fathers become popular and essential in this
process. Unfortunately, some fathers experience "rejection" from their
young infant and toddler child and then resist the new opportunity to
get involved when the time is right. It is very important that fathers
understand how development unfolds in the lives of their children, so
they do not feel left out or unimportant. The truth is that after the
age of about 3 or 4, the impact of the father's influence remains
essential throughout all of childhood and adolescence, which can be
very rewarding if one immerses themselves in the process.
Taken together, the "dad toy" becomes a child's favorite past time
if made available and plentiful, especially between the ages of 3 and
10. No need for trips to toys stores and amusement parks - just get
out there and play with your kids.
Key Points:
1. Fathers are the kids favorite toy from ages 3 to 10.
2. The benefits of dad play are numerous in the development of children
3. Make weekly "alone" dad time available for your kids
4. Enjoy it while it lasts - once a teenager, friends will replace you!
Dr. Keith Kanner
Host
Your Family Matters Show
Fox6 News - San Diego
San Diego Living Show
